My therapist tells me that I need to put things on the wall because although I own the house, I have a difficult time accepting myself as a homeowner. For example, I still feel like I won’t get my deposit back if I put up pictures on the wall. I also purchased the house from friends (it was the only way to purchase a house when I’m not in the tech industry and make a gazillion dollars, or have hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash), so although I have painted the interiors, I often feel like I’m just housesitting and waiting for them to come back from vacation. It sounds ridiculous I know. That’s one reason I’m in therapy.
I’ve also been feeling guilty about not doing more art making and just drawing for 10 minutes when I have dance class. It makes me feel very unaccomplished and very badly about myself.
Then a few weeks ago, I purchased a bunch of drawings and a few paintings that my fave local artist, Cate White was selling. So I started putting them up on my wall.
Then the stars aligned properly and I had an extremely rare moment of clarity: I had drawings I can put up too! So, I put them up on the wall, not in any order. Oh my therapist would be very happy to know this. (But shhh… don’t tell her this, but I used painter’s tape, though the calendar is pinned to the wall). So here’s an image of my drawings put together at 1 am a few weeks ago.
Yay! Your drawings look amazing like that! Your lines re sublime. I wish your drawings could be made into wallpaper. I would wallpaper my house with that wallpaper if I had my own house like you do, which is very impressive. And I have the same feeling that I’m not doing enough art. I think everybody who is an artist feels that way.
Thank you. If I wallpaper my house, I would definitely not get my deposit back. I’ll stick with painter’s tape for now. I’ve heard some artists feel like they’ve done their work and feel satisfied. I want to get there, but I feel mostly like a hamster running in the wheel. At least I get exercise.